Wednesday, August 02, 2006

A Purrfect email, Well an Email I received the other day

A great divider of people, and one which is oft openly owned, is the
catperson/dogperson dichotomy. Catdogpersonally, i myself am well disposed
to each link of the foodchain with the exception of viruses and turkeys.
In today's rant i focus upon the cat side of the equation and elaborate on
the sentiment behind the bumper-sticker "dogs have masters, cats have

Why are cats so down-right purrnickity and difficult? Based as usual on
nowt bar the anecdotal, i am, surprisesurprise, willing to surmise.

1} Given that urban development could not have arisen sans la chat & their
vermin chewing ways, they are indispensable.

2} They are constantly telling those with ears to hear "Me-Ow!" and even
plainly "Ow!" This pain, so clearly enounced, is not understood in its

2b} As cats sleep for up to 18hrs a day, i suggest their reality lies
principally in the realm of dreams, their waking period being one of
nightmarish mundanity, plebian struggle and a paucity of tasty treats.

5}It then follows that a general "i cant WORK uner these conditions" and
"i'll be in my trailer!" attitude is comPLETEly understandable and, indeed
entirely reasonable and we should all be much, much, much nicer to cats,
ALL cats, any cats you meet, give them QUALITY food, warmth, massages,
pedicures... quick! the furry fiend which has had it's claws at my jugular
has been momentarily distracted by a venetian blind cord, enabling me to
speak freely, i know not for how long...


11:11} We must rise up and eradicate them NOW, before it's too late! We
dont need them anymore, we have mouse traps and rat-baits and if it comes
to it we can all live in smaller self-contained outposts with a
tree-change feel, like in the sunday supplements, anything to be free of
the tyranny of

<..>} dISrrrrrrrreGArd las bitt, morrrrrrrr goUrrrrrmEt sssiNGle

Thanks E x

Woof. Meow.