Shaving

Every day I shave and now my son does too. I saw that he uses the shaving foam at a rate disproportionate to the number of shaves he has. Now that may sound petty, but it did remind me of my father and many other men over the years who have shaved every day.

Dad could make a stick of shaving soap last a year or more, he could work a ‘lather up’ with hard London water, using a shaving brush and his hand. He used the palm of his hand like a cup, to hold some water and soap, and then brush the two together building a lather which he would then apply to his face. He would also strop his safety razor, [double sided blade that fits into a shaver] by stropping his blade he could make it last twice as long.

Of course there were the Cut throat razors as we knew them, the type Sweeney Todd was supposed to of used on his victims. I knew an old barber [dead now bless him] who would use a ‘cut throat’ to clean up the back of your hair cut. He could also do a good job on the facial shave too.
So there you go son plenty of history to the old shave technique. I suppose it wont be until you have to buy the shaving foam and blades yourself, that you start to economise on the Soap.

Woof.Ω

Telstra Solutions

Telstra is the name we have for our national telephone provider. It used to be called Telecom and probably had other names prior to that. In Australia we have a unique situation when it comes to things like telephone lines. We are so large and sparsely populated that the government has to subsidise the provision of essential services to the bush, [outback]. The city folk who make up the biggest section of our population, have by and large not worried about helping three cousins in the bush, we all understand the need for telephones, especially in remote areas.

A few years back, the government sold off just under half of Telstra, now it wants to sell the rest. This time round despite assurances re the governments safety net on prices and obligations imposed on the Telco the people are not so happy to see it remaining half get sold. So the government has had to hive off about a third of the remaining stock into a ‘super fund’ as a sort of creche for unwanted stock.

In amongst all this we have a problem, and that is we need fast internet connections to compete and be compatible with the rest of the developed world. Instead we have an old copper wire phone system that would need a few billion dollars to up grade it to fibre optic style cable. I’ve come up with a relatively simple way of achieving this. But for some unknown reason the government nor the commentators have mentioned it.

The solution is to split Telstra into two companies. One would provide retail phone/internet/mobile, etc retail sales. Just like the companies it is already competing with, but also providing cabling to. The second Telstra company would be a cable company providing [yes you guessed it] cables.

I think both could be profitable. The government could use the sale of the phone company side to help finance the cable company. The super fund, that was set up to provide retirement funds for public servants could also chip in with long term bond type loans to get the whole thing happening.

In conclusion we would no longer have the conflict we have had in the past, where the same company has had to compete and provide in the same market and also have quite strict regulations over pricing and supply. Telstra phone could truly compete with the other phone companies, and Telstra cable could make a handsome profit in providing the infrastructure. I would personally want the cable company to keep that side of the business in public ownership.

Woof.

Niagara Café in Gundagi

I think this is the name of the café that we have visited on our way north. It is run by a family, I believe they are Greek. The location is the main street of Gundagi famous for the dog on the tucker box story. There is a monument to him not far from the township, from memory you can have a picnic there, appropriate really.

The first time we went there it was by chance [as with so many finds in life, a chance encounter and you can be hooked for life.] A car load of kids, a start of a holiday, lets give the kids something historical to see. What better than iconic Gundagi and seeing we were on the road there, the song came next, ‘On the road to Gundagi’ had to be sung as we drove the last few kilometres off the main road. Having got there it was a very ordinary little town. Main street with old shops and pubs, a playing field and picnic area down towards a river from memory. Having taken in the surrounds with a sweep of the main streets in the car, we decided first things first, fill our stomachs, that was the purpose of the visit.

I think we had a choice of a couple of eateries and a hotel or two. When I looked through the windows of the Niagara it looked like something out of the 1950s or 60s , with bench seats and fixed tables. Pictures on the wall of politicians was a bit different and mainly Laborites too. From memory outside was cold and inside was warm and welcoming. Milk bar counter and the front of shop and tables on the other side. The back was shielded with some panelling and fly trap type plastic strip doorway to a kitchen. Menus on each of the tables showed basic fare, including baked beans on toast and of course hot chips. A range of toasted sandwiches were chosen along with drinks and chippys, and while I waited I watched the family busy themselves around the shop and kitchen preparing meals and serving customers. A little disorganised to the untrained eye, but in a matter of no time the food was on our table and being devoured. The daughter who served us was beautiful in that dark Greek way. I think my eyes followed her around the room for the rest of my meal. She had a look of must get out of here one day soon. I imagined her wondering about the lives of her customers and their trips back to the city.

I think there was a picture of Bob Hawke or Paul Keating on the wall possibly saying “Hi” to the owner. Maybe it was both Bob and Paul in their buddy period.

Every time we go anywhere near Gundagi we call in on the Niagara Café. I hope it is still going and the beautiful Daughter I wonder if she ever caught a bus out of there and found what her heart is looking for.

Woof.

Spring has sprung

The weekend went by with a blur of basket balls and some good music down at the local. Fire and Theft are really hitting their straps now.

Ev and I saw some amazing coins in the Ian Potter museum up at Melbourne Uni. Quite unexpected having spent half an hour looking at out of focus photo prints we found these amazing little coins that date back over 2000 years. They looked new straight from the mint.

Well to the Spring, for the first time in a long time the morning walk with dog started in daylight and there was a mildness in the air that makes the nose tell the brain that spring is in the air. The elm trees are pushing out their new leaves that look like clusters of green flowers. The air is thick with smells of blossom.
Tomorrow it will probably rain and go all south wind cold again. But for today Spring has Sprung here in Melbourne.
Woof.

Grumpy old Dog: A first Time for Everything

Grumpy old Dog: A first Time for Everything

Poff thanks for your comment. I appologise if I didn't get the facts right re the reasons for the no vote. I was quoting a scientist I heard on the ABC. I still believe that we need to recycle our run off water and waste water. Your rates shouldn't affected by this the state and federal governments should subsidise these sort of projects.
Woof.

A first Time for Everything

For the first time in my life, I agree with John Howard on something. He is very easy to disagree with let me tell you.
John says we should recycle water. That is to drink. And don't give the voters a referendum on the matter, just do it.
Recently up in Queensland they had a referendum on reusing their household water. They came back with a 60-40% against, a strong no campaign won out. A scientist at the time said the recycled water would be cleaner than the current damn water they are using.

It ain't rocket science, London has been doing it for years and so has Singapore. So yes John on such a dry continent as Australia we need to recycle water, or we wont have enough to go around in the future.

Our damns are down to 50% capacity and the farmers are using excess to the river flows to irrigate their crops. And to top it off, we have an El Nino coming, and we all know what that means. Don't we????

So yes for the first time ever I am in agreement with our Prime Minister. Let democracy go to pot on this one, and just get on with collecting and cleaning our waste water, and city run offs.

Woof.

John's Motorbike race

I mentioned in an earlier blog a elderly engineer [now dead] who I got to know briefly before he died. He had stories of his life that went back to the beginning of the 20th century. One of his story was about his time in the middle east during the first world war.

As a young British soldier he was sent to the middle east. For a bit of fun the troops would play with their motor bikes. One thing was racing them as fast as they could over the sandy roads on the outskirts of town. One day John needed some extra ummph to win a race he knew he couldn't win using just the standard fuel. So using his knowledge of chemicals he made some acetylene which I think burns with a smokey yellow flame. But if you mix it with oxygen it can burn a hole in metal. This is the oxy-acetylene torch.
John somehow managed to get his acetylene mixed in with his regular fuel. I think he did it while riding the bike and leaning over the air intake and either tipping or infusing using a cloth. The result of which was to give the bike an almighty boost. Not for long but enough to accelerate away from the competition just long enough to win his race.

I think they also used it to frighten the beejezus out of the pillion passengers when they hit the gas and took off, sometimes leaving their back seat rider on their arse.

He told these stories with a dead straight face, only an occasional twinkle in the eye. But he would manage to pop in the name of Lawrence of Arabia as a fellow traveller and risk taker.

I think it made me realise just how lucky they all were to get out of there in one piece.

Woof.

Winter Sand

Nothing better on a beautiful winters day
to be on an empty beach with views as far as
you can see.
Dogs allowed.
Woof. 

Old Engineers do they ever die?

At work we have a key cutting machine. It’s been with us for almost 20 years and it is still going strong. Newer style keys have superseded this machine, but it is still good for most keys people bring into us.

When we first got this key cutter I knew an elderly Engineer in his eighties. He had worked in the Yalourne power industry, which is a couple of hundred kilometres from Melbourne.

Being an engineer he had an enquiring mind, so when he visited our shop he saw me cutting a key and looked at the Voltmeter mounted in the middle of the machine. Probably not something I had ever really looked at. But as soon as he had, he explained the purpose of the voltmeter and I saw him pondering some lost memory from his days at the power station.

Soon after his visit he died I saw his grandson a couple of times, I think he was quite close to his grandad.

So, today as I cut a keys, I think of my old engineer with his snow white hair and moustache. And whenever I see the voltmeter needle go flicking back and forth he is there next to me pondering that electric current.

He hasn’t been forgotten, his story lives on. He had some fantastic stories to tell.

Woof.

Postcarders

What do you call someone who sends postcards? A postcarder? Well I think it is a wonder full thing. I actually think there is a group of postcarders around the world sending each other postcards. What I like about a postcard is that it has a picture usually of a place you haven't been to. Which is good in it's self. But also the postcard has a message on the other side. This message is open for anyone to read. A public show of acknowledgement. So thanks all you postcarders out there keep sending those little rectangular pieces of card.

Woof.

Drivers?

Here in Melbourne [ Inner suburbs] We have small Victorian streets which run off larger roads that often have tram tracks down the middle of them. This set up means that there are some driving habits peculiar to this town. Luckily most of the antiquated ones like give way to the right have long gone. A more recent addition to the road-scape has been the mini roundabout.

Having grown up in the U.K. I am familiar with roundabout etiquette and can usually predict the approach and exit with out much difficulty. Now here comes the crunch about 50% of the Melbourne drivers just don’t get it. They approach a mini roundabout as if they are entering a super highway. Some almost stop, when they see the roundabout approaching a hundred yards away. They then creep, their way up to the edge, and peer into the abyss. If there is any possibility that a car, bike, truck, house, block of flats, you name it, is coming their way they remain seated on the edge of the intersection. Only when all is clear as far as the eye can see do they venture forth.

But if there is a traffic jam, and they can’t get through the intersection, they still motor ahead and then block the middle of the roundabout.

To say they don’t have a clue is an understatement.

Woof.

Joni Mitchell Both Sides Now

I read this song last night for the first time in a very long time. Thought I'd share it with you. Love those Canadians. X

BOTH SIDES NOW- Joni Mitchell

C F C F

Bows and flows of angel hair

F Em Am C

And ice cream castles in the air

F Dm

And feather canyons everywhere

F G

I've looked at clouds that way

C F C F

But now they only block the sun

F Em Am C

They rain and snow on everyone

F Dm

So many things I could have done

F G

But clouds got in my way

CHORUS:

C F C

I've looked at clouds from both sides now

F C F C

From up and down, and still somehow

Em F C

It's clouds' illusions I recall

C F C Am Gsus G C

I really don't know clouds at all

Moons and Junes and ferris wheels

The dizzy, dancing way you feel

As every fairy tale comes real

I've looked at love that way

But now it's just another show

You leave them laughing as you go

And if you care don't let them know

Don't give yourself away

I've looked at love from both sides now

From give and take, and still somehow

It's love's illusions I recall

I really don't know love at all

Tears and fears and feeling proud

To say, "I love you" right out loud

Dreams and schemes and circus crowds

I've looked at life that way

But now old friends are acting strange

They shake their heads, they say I've changed

Something's lost and something's gained

In living every day

I've looked at life from both sides now

From win and lose, and still somehow

It's life's illusions I recall

I really don't know life at all

Woof.

Musicians and Memories

Sometimes looking at a blank computer screen can get you nowhere. Inspiration doesn’t just appear out of the ether. However it can set the old memory going, in fact it didn’t have to go too far back in time to come up with a little piece of information.

I was listening to the first of the Reith lectures and this year it is a musician Daniel Barenboim who is giving them. Two little gems came out of his talk.

1] The creation of music, the moment when music fills the silence that proceeds it. He told us that you couldn’t just make the music appear out of the silence it must fill that silence. It made me sit down at the piano and anticipate that moment before a note is played.

2] The second gem is his observation made when asked what he would play if he had one minute to live. Well he knocked that on the head by saying he didn’t live his life wondering about such trivia. However he does play his concerts as if they are both his first and last.

In amongst his answer he came up the idea that each day his relationship with music starts anew and with that you bring your experience from previous days. But due to the transient nature of music it is always new each day spiced with memories of past playing.

Woof.

Sunday again

Shhhh we are asleep CYA later. Snoooooooooooooooooze
Woof. AAAAAAAAAAh

Ronnie Barker RIP.

In memory of a great man. Ronnie RIP.

This was originally shown on on BBC TV back in the seventies. Ronnie

Barker could say all this without a snigger (though god knows how many

takes). Irony is that they received not one complaint. The speed of

delivery must have been too much for the whining herds. Try getting

through it without converting the spoonerisms [and not wetting your

pants] as you read .

This is the story of Rindercella and her sugly isters.

Rindercella and her sugly isters lived in a marge lansion. Rindercella

worked very hard frubbing sloors, emptying poss pits, and shivelling

shot. At the end of the day, she was knucking fackered.

The sugly isters were right bugly astards. One was called Mary Hinge,

and the other was called Betty Swallocks; they were really forrible

huckers;they had fetty sweet and fetty swannies. The sugly isters had

tickets to go to the ball, but the cotton runts would not let

Rindercella go.

Suddenly there was a bucking fang, and her gairy fodmother appeared. Her

name was Shairy Hithole and she was a light rucking fesbian. She turned a pumpkin and six mite wice into a hucking cuge farriage with six dandy ronkeys who had buge hollocks and dig bicks The gairy fodmother told Rindercella to be back by dimnlight otherwise, there would be a cucking falamity.

At the ball, Rindercella was dancing with the prandsome hince when

suddenly the clock struck twelve. "Mist all chucking frighty!!!" said

Rindercella, and she ran out tripping barse over ollocks, so dropping

her slass glipper. The very next day the prandsome hince knocked on Rindercella's door and the sugly isters let him in. Suddenly, Betty Swallocks lifted her leg and let off a fig bart. "Who's fust jarted??" asked the prandsome hince. "Blame that fugly ucker over there!!" said Mary Hinge. When the stinking brown cloud had lifted, he tried the slass glipper on both the sugly isters without success and their feet stucking funk.

Betty Swallocks was ducking fisgusted and gave the prandsome hince a

knack in the kickers. This was not difficult as he had bucking fuge

halls and a hig bard on.

He tried the slass glipper on Rindercella and it fitted pucking

ferfectly.

Rindercella and the prandsome hince were married. The pransome hince

lived his life in lucking fuxury, and Rindercella lived hers with a

follen swanny.

Tech Support

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and
noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance
- particularly in the
flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly
under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable
programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5,
and then installed undesirable programs such as AFL 5.0,
NBA 3.0., and Golf Clubs 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6
simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging
5.3 to fix these problems but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,

Desperate

=========================

Dear Desperate:

First keep in mind, that Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment
Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System.

Please enter the command: "http: I Thought You Loved
Me.htm" and try to download Tears 6.2 and don't
forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.

If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should
then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0
and Flowers 3.5. But
remember, over use of the above application can cause Husband
1.0 to default to Grumpy. Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or
Beer 6.1.

Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring
Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 (it runs
a virus in the background, that will eventually seize control
of all your system
resources).

Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program.
These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband
1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have
limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.
You might consider buying
additional software to improve memory and performance.
We recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck,

Tech

Woof.

Refugees.

Why does John Howard continue to push Australia back into the dark ages with regard to Human rights? The latest bill before Parliament is to make it even harder to arrive here in Australia, as a refugee.

The usual rhetoric about queue jumping and bad people, is banded about at times like this, while the bill is debated. The last 20, or so refugees, that arrived illegally, were all processed as refugees and allowed to stay. The days of mass migration of refugees are over, and even if they weren’t most times they are legitimate refugees.

Even Liberal members of Parliament are going to cross the floor to vote against this bill. I heard one member say, he was disgusted by the intent of this bill. One of the main concerns is that children could end up on remote islands, off the Australian mainland without proper healthcare, housing, schooling, etc. possibly for years.

Since The Howard government took office, we have had many breaches of our international obligations, including human rights.

Time for a change. But where to go??

Woof.

Doctors and Dentists

I touched on dental health the other day. I do have a bug about them both at times, but like everyone when you need one of them you are grateful for their expertise.

What does give me the irritations is the way they have learnt to value add their professional services at the expense of the patients wallet or the states health system.

If the health system is to survive, it must be universal and where possible free of corruption. News over the last few days has been of inducements from drug companies to doctors. The costs of these practises are passed on in more expensive drugs. So lets stop it, tell your doctor you want the cheaper drug where possible.
Woof.

Teeth Permits and Tilly

The Federal Government has boasted record surpluses. When they were first elected a decade ago they loved to crow about the bad economic management of the previous Labor government.

So now a decade later we have sold off what we can, privatised just about everything, and collected massive amounts of tax. With a consumption tax known as the Goods and Services Tax. GST. We therefore have a large surplus of money, that the government could spend on helping the poor of this society. An area of health spending that has been virtually knocked on the head is Dental health. Which any one with a tooth in their head knows is very important.

We used to be ranked at the top of the list for good teeth, now we are down the bottom. The Federal Government just about wiped out dental health care for the poor and disadvantaged as a way of saving dollars, back in the days when they wanted to get the budget back in the black. Now they are awash with money they give tax cuts to rich. Some of who must be dentists. Ironic.

In our area [inner suburb] we have a system of resident parking permits. The first one used to be free. and a house holder was allowed 2 others. One for another car from the household, and one known as a visitors permit. Well the visitors permit is going to be stopped.

Why I hear you scream.

Well some unscrupulous residents have been selling their visitor permits, to people who knock on their doors asking if they want to sell them. Local businesses and workers who come to the area need all day parking.

Well we need and use on a regular basis our visitors permit, now it is going to be replaced with a book of vouchers. Time to get the pen is mightier than the sword out, and give the clowns down at clown hall a serve.

Tilly turned One on Saturday. A big happy birthday to her. XXXX

Woof.

Naive Politicians

Our Prime Minister [He cops a fair pasting here] is going around saying that the hike in petrol prices is his number one problem at the moment. He goes as far as to say,

'It is one of my biggest worries of my political career.'

Why? I ask,' haven't you done anything about it earlier. You didn't see it coming? I think blind Freddie could of seen it coming.'

There are so many ways that a government can help persuade the populous to change their ways, from consumer to re-user, recycler, alternative energy users, etc etc.

But they have done very little, allowing the market to find it's way, which has meant we have been encouraged to be consumers not re-users.

If as a Prime Minister he had set policies that encouraged the use of alternative fuels, or helped finance a sensible alternative to large engine, American style cars. He would have the choice of the best advisers, he could encourage informed debate. But instead he is now surprised that the price of fuel is so high. When his government took our troops into Iraq, he must of seen it to be a contributing factor in this equation.

There are so many reasons why a western style democratically elected government has to look beyond the lobbyists from the big end of town. Otherwise we are all going to suffer the harm inflicted by poorly thought out policy based on selective information biased by it's source.

It is the population of a country that you as an elected government are there to govern and it is their needs you hope to provide for. Not overseas owned multinationals, they play there part but they have been allowed to dominate policy. A company that makes billions in profits doesn't think about the cost of a litre of fuel, or a fuel efficient car, unless it can see profit at the end of the day. Governments are not there to facilitate profits for large business.
So if John Howard had been more in tune with the needs of the people and not the profits of big business he wouldn't be so surprised by the rising cost of fuel and he may of already taken steps to address the problem.

Woof.

Howard and Costellos' misuse of words.

For a while now it has been annoying me that the government [and others who should know better] continue to use misleading words to describe policy outcomes and political achievements.

For example the use of average yearly income that is $50,000 that of course takes into account every one from the very high income earners to the lowest.

The more accurate description is of the median income which is only $26,000. I can understand why you would want to give the higher amount it makes your policies appear fairer, there are less poor people. But that doesn’t make it right. There should be serious journalists taking the government to task.

Another one is the use of the word house-owners or householders, used when interest rates are being discussed. Higher interest rates will not affect householders per se, it is Mortgagees that are affected. A simple difference but one that implies all homeowners are affect when that is blatantly untrue.

If journalists and politicians want to be believed then they should widen their vocabulary to encompass the bigger picture instead of focusing on their narrow policy/journalistic views.

Lastly if I hear the Prime minister or Treasurer say one more time, that Telstra is government owned I'll throw a telephone book at them.

It is owned by us the people, the common people. It is part of our Common-Wealth. Unfortunately, either by stealth or accepting of policy, we have allowed this government to sell off the remaining 51%.

I did read somewhere that around 80% of the population are against the full sale of Telstra. But under this type of governance we only get 30 seconds of democracy every 3 years.

Woof.

A Purrfect email, Well an Email I received the other day

A great divider of people, and one which is oft openly owned, is the
catperson/dogperson dichotomy. Catdogpersonally, i myself am well disposed
to each link of the foodchain with the exception of viruses and turkeys.
In today's rant i focus upon the cat side of the equation and elaborate on
the sentiment behind the bumper-sticker "dogs have masters, cats have
staff".

Why are cats so down-right purrnickity and difficult? Based as usual on
nowt bar the anecdotal, i am, surprisesurprise, willing to surmise.

1} Given that urban development could not have arisen sans la chat & their
vermin chewing ways, they are indispensable.

2} They are constantly telling those with ears to hear "Me-Ow!" and even
plainly "Ow!" This pain, so clearly enounced, is not understood in its
nature.

2b} As cats sleep for up to 18hrs a day, i suggest their reality lies
principally in the realm of dreams, their waking period being one of
nightmarish mundanity, plebian struggle and a paucity of tasty treats.

5}It then follows that a general "i cant WORK uner these conditions" and
"i'll be in my trailer!" attitude is comPLETEly understandable and, indeed
entirely reasonable and we should all be much, much, much nicer to cats,
ALL cats, any cats you meet, give them QUALITY food, warmth, massages,
pedicures... quick! the furry fiend which has had it's claws at my jugular
has been momentarily distracted by a venetian blind cord, enabling me to
speak freely, i know not for how long...

9c}Help!!

11:11} We must rise up and eradicate them NOW, before it's too late! We
dont need them anymore, we have mouse traps and rat-baits and if it comes
to it we can all live in smaller self-contained outposts with a
tree-change feel, like in the sunday supplements, anything to be free of
the tyranny of

<..>} dISrrrrrrrreGArd las bitt, morrrrrrrr goUrrrrrmEt sssiNGle
sseRvsssss

Thanks E x

Woof. Meow.

Teenage WoW

I have heard of grown men falling asleep in front of their computer screens, after feverishly playing World of Warcraft [WoW] The most popular on-line game.

Well I know of a teenager who is mightily pissed off that he is only allowed 2 maybe 3 hours a night/day playing. I'm sure he would go for 8 hours straight if you let him and has done so in the past. Sleepovers are a great excuse for mammoth sessions. The game obviously has addictive qualities, which to the casual observer are overlooked. Being a casual observer myself, I can see none of them.

The compulsive nature of WoW means any attempt to modify playing it, is met with loud protestations, complaints and comparisons.
'My friends can play until 3 a m.' Was levelled at me on one occasion. This was a week night .

Any talk of alternative activities, such as reading, playing music, doing homework. helping with the household chores. All are dismissed as unnecessary or boring.

A classic exchange the other day from said Teenager. In reply to the comment that he was not helping with the housework or cooking, despite the fact that he enjoyed eating the food.

'So you are accusing me of being fat now.' He exclaimed with a hurt look.

'No, just that.’ I replied, ‘You like the food, but not the preparation or cleaning, both need doing as well as the eating.'

'No you are accusing me of being fat. And in any case do you like doing the preparation and cleaning work?'

'Yes I do.' I said, 'But not all the time'.

'Well I find it boring' so if you like it so much you do it, then I won't feel bored doing it. OK!'

And with that he headed back to the computer with a purposeful look in his eye and with a crack of his knuckles, he prepared to fight another keyboard battle.

Woof.